The Glass Ceiling

Healing under Water

 Can you feel the healing or are you drowning in fear?

I just want to sit with you for hours 

and hours

Without a spoken word.

 For just a moment let us be still.

Tearing down walls so that we can rebuild. 

I want to cross your borders, 

I want to take my time.

You look deep into my eyes

 and rip my heart open wide.
 Can you hear me calling?

Screaming underwater

Healing underwater

 Can you feel the healing or are you drowning in fear?

You take me to your deepest corner 

and let me see what you're trying to hide. 

You come closer, trying to kick down the walls. 

Inch by inch. 

Hands are shaking

 and hearts are aching. 

Bodies tense up. 

Retreat. 

I've escaped.

Healing the broken

 Can you hear me calling?

Screaming underwater

Healing underwater

Longing for SALT

TESTED

Phoenix Rising

Mother's empower your daughters.  Empower them with a strong sense of self.  Teach them how to walk outside in the forests and not get lost. Help them read the landscape, to identify where they are in the context of the realm of the great outdoors; where every tree-top looks the same, teach them how to pinpoint their exact location by connecting with their own awareness. To gain perspective.

Teach them to observe. To use all their senses. To describe the rocks on the forest floor, markings on trees, plants, flowers, walls, the smells, to feel the roots of the Earth rise and dip 'neath the soles of the feet as they are guided down a path. Teach them to open their senses, beyond what merely the eyes can see. Teach them to look at the shadows, a squirrel, to listen for the sounds of the rushing river. They must learn how to trust their gut, their heart, their intuition. To believe.

Mothers teach your daughters to embrace the great-unknown, in the force that cannot be seen by the naked eye but felt by the rhythms within the heart. Deep inside the veins, a heart that palpitates quickly.  A message?  A warning to flee or a chance to rise? They must learn how to be confident and trust the way their blood courses through their veins from their very core down to their toes and then back up as it rises to their crown.

It emerges as fire, tingling their skin, burning.  The more the sensation is denied, ignored, suppressed, the more brightly the fire within them burns. Will it combust internally and be self consuming or become a beacon of hope, light with fire burning so bright that no fire hydrant can extinguish for its source is eternal love.

Like a phoenix rising from the ashes the confident woman will grow. She'll emerge and spread her wings to face life with a profound sense of certainty and trust.  She'll learn to trust herself, her accomplishments and her truth with humility. The knowledge gained will not perish along with her but will rise again in the very same flames that gave her life.  So much of our time on Earth is dedicated to cultivating the mind that all too often the heart goes on...beating, underdeveloped, undervalued.

A blip on the screen, measured by electromagnetic impulses, a beat. Nothing to measure how much it has given, how much it can hold or how broken it is. Now is time to shine light upon that which cannot be ignored, that which cannot lie to us, it is time to develop the heart. To trust it.  It is time to let go of the logical equations of the rational mind and live accordingly to the way the heart.

Let go of the old ways like launching a bunch of helium balloons in flight.  Light and free...gone forever, in the blink of an eye.  All we have is here and now.  A short time, here on Earth. A time for trust.love.bonds. Connections to help one-another get through the drudgery and victories of life without judgement and with love and respect.

Honest and true to ourselves and each other.  Mothers raise your girls to trust in themselves.  To depend on themselves.  To have a sense of value that is not based on any other. To know they are capable of not only surviving independently but thriving and having abundance. It takes a strong and vibrant community to build a sustainable future.  It takes a village to raise a child and as individuals we have our strengths and deficiencies.  Yet when connected together as a community we become whole again, complete.

A phoenix rises and falls by the way of the ashes just as the sea rises and falls with the ebbs and flows of the tide.  So is fleeting self esteem of our girls. Mothers stop tearing one another down and begin to build up your daughters. Our communities are built on the goodness of our women and will flourish sustainably when we stop tearing one another down.  Build support by means of self-reliance and courage will echo in the breeze "all because of a mother's love."

Cape Cod Cookie Crushers Van 1 Storms P-town

So on May 12th I did something totally crazy. I joined a team of 11-strangers who were devoted to running 200 miles for charity.  I decided on joining this team because they were from NY and had a really cool name. Then I invited five strangers, all of whom were part of van 1, to come and stay at my house that night.

At 3:00 a.m. the next day, Friday the 13th.   I hopped into a big, white, 12-passenger van with said strangers and drove 1.5 hours to Hull where our epic journey of running 200-miles together began. we spoke on the phone before hand and I knew, with a a few prayers, that this crew would not murder me in my sleep.  I had the added comfort of knowing if they did, that my two dogs would chew them apart, if they did.

There is no way to explain Ragnar and the bonds it creates.  I will leave it to my 5-new comrades in arms to try to put to words the kinship that's formed by running 30+ hours throughout the day and night, rain and sun, only to cross the finish line triumphantly, together, as a team.

When you run a Ragnar relay, you become more than just a single individual runner. You become part of something much greater than yourself.  You need to help the driver navigate, you need to help the navigator-navigate, you need to offer your teammates support whether it be in the form of a wet-wipe, beef jerky, a high-5, a cup of soup or a pillow to lie their tired head. For those 24-36 hours you become part of a community, something bigger than yourself.  You become part of a team that is trying to conquer their demons for 200-miles all in the name of charity.  

We all laughed together whether it was because Alicia couldn't find the gas cap to the van, Vince had a hard 3rd leg, Brian sent random cryptic text messages with 1 mile-to-go, I ate gravel and broke my new iphone, or #ohshit Kelsey was delirious in the middle of the night and thought Saturday felt like---being on MARS or possibly because Randi thought it was a good time to #speakwhale.

There was so much laughter in our van it was uncanny. When someone started to get punchy someone else would lighten up the situation, when someone wanted to drive into a parking lot---we made sure they knew that what they thought was a parking lot was in fact...a lake.  #truestory When Dunkin' Donuts was out of a certain food that was being craved before leg 3 we found a local hot spot to fill the notion.  Out team was awesome group of coffee loving, cookie eating, amaze-balls. #6strangersinavan

We all came from different backgrounds and drew from our strengths.  Only a Ragnar Relay could draw together such a diverse group of extremely rugged endurance athletes from such a variety of professional backgrounds. I am so glad to say that Van 1 remains in contact weekly and we are still laughing together.  Plans are in the works to have a racing reunion soon and to get another Ragnar in the books.

We've seen each other under incredible pressure and we helped each other succeed.  We've seen one another in hardship. tireless battles, drawing from the strength within, to pure-silliness, to perseverance, god-awful-sweat, and true grit. It was raw and a real struggle at times.  I almost got left behind in the port-a-loo #Where'sDiana? but we all kept our heads and when the end came near and our faith was tested---Vince saved us with beer, tie-died cookies, and huge magnets #itsthesimplethings.

There were many memories made, one-liners that only van 1 will ever understand, and bonds made that will hopefully last a life time. #doyouspeakwhale #wheresthegastank #draftbyguy #ohshitialmostcrushedmymuffins #3rdlegisthehardest #itfeelslikemars #ichallengeyou #smellmysneaker #copsonbikes #cookies #whatcolorisyourpee #magnetcleptos

I look forward to our racing reunion and to creating more Cookie Crushing memories with this amazing crew of Ragnarians.

Team Misfits Redux Take on Ragnar Trails New England at Northfield Mountain

What is it?  A Ragnar Trail race is an intense, 120 mile relay race that takes runners up, down, around, and over a mountain 24 times.  It takes between 24-28 hours to complete.  Teams run through the day—night—and into the next day in relay fashion until all 24-legs of the race have been completed.  

At times the trail race feels more like a death march than a race one willing signed up and paid for.  Each team has 8 runners that can only be described as fun loving masochists.   The exception is the Ultra Teams--whom are ultimately ultra insane maschochists.  These teams consist of a mere 4 runners. These "Ultra" folks have brains that really are "wired differently" from the rest of the general population.  Of course I say that in the most respectful and perhaps, sick, jealous way. 

Ragnaraians are indeed a truly unique breed.  You will not find a better bunch of tough, funny, intense, hard-core, friendly, caring, athletic individuals anywhere else on the planet than at a Ragnar venue.  These folks have stories to tell, tips to share, and are willing to step up to the plate when needed.   They will share with you:  their Ibuprofen, marshmallows, muscle rub, and even their moonshine!

Shout out to the Flying Monkey Racing League for sharing!

Some may view these creatures as sadists or masochists.  In a way, after this race, I cannot argue with this assessment.   In fact, on my second leg of the race, the green loop, I…for the very first time asked myself a question.  "Am I a masochist? Could I be? " It was the first time in my life I’ve ever associated myself in any way…with this word!   It's the first time I experienced such agony. 

My feelings and thoughts on masochism were confirmed by Jian on the third loop, a.k.a. the red loop of pain, when she too…described the race as being masochistic.  As we neared the finish line our fellow runner shouted out, “I have run 4 back-to-back Boston’s and this…this is just sick!”  As we neared the finish line we imagined that victory tasted like a“Sierra Nevada” the beer at the finish line. Then, just as we were approaching the finish line we saw a deer leaping across the field.  It was a marvelous sight and a great ending to a grueling race.  We dashed to the finish line~mission complete!

This race was by far the toughest thing I’ve ever done.   I’ve run 2 Road Ragnars, the NE Relay, the Tornado Relay, the Glass Slipper Challenge, several half-marathons, Warrior Dash, 2 Tough Mountain Challenges and have competed in several sprint triathlons.  If you asked me to compare the experiences of running Ragnar Trail MA to a tri I would say this:  “A tri is like ice skating at Rockefeller Center at Christmas time while Ragnar Trail MA is like willingly signing up and paying for: the water-boarding experience.” 

My first loop was yellow and I ran it at 10:00 pm.  As I climbed up the mountain I thought “Wow!  I didn’t know they were serving pie at this race.  As I quickly wolfed down a piece of HUMBLE PIE!”

This was my first trail race and this yellow trail was the most technical of the bunch but by all means was not the most difficult.  As the yellow trail split off from the red this is what I saw and No!  These are not lighting bugs.  This is what passing through the 7th gate of Hell looks like.  Yup, here it is!

As I came barreling down the yellow trail it cut to the left at a 90 degree angle.  I could hear other racers scrambling behind me and I lost my footing slipping on a bed of leaves, rolling my ankle.  Man….I ate trail and saw stars!  

The runner behind me asked if I was okay and gave me some water.  I got up and tried my best to shake it off my walking a bit.  Then I got back into the groove.  I eventually crossed the finish mat and my teammates brought me over to the medic tent for some ice. 

My second leg was green and that was fun.  Another 800 foot climb within the first two miles followed by another climb, grassy downhill and some fire roads—whoohoo! 

My third and final leg was red and the toughest of all 3.  Climbing over 1000 feet in the first 4 miles on the red loop took determination and true grit.  There were times I felt like stopping.  There were times the pain in my legs became unbearable.  There were times when I wondered whether or not my legs would physically be able to move one more step. There were times I thought about walking up the hills backwards to relieve some of my muscles.  There were times when I recited poetry to get me to the top.  I even had some positive affirmations "Ahh it's just a wee sprain and we all know that pain is just weakness leaving the body.  Right?  Right?  Yeah...right!"  "No pain, no gain!" and when all else failed  it was "Suck it up buttercup."

At one point I needed a stick to help me along the trail because of my ankle.  Jian found the perfect little branch on the side of the trail and broke it down for me (note:  no trees, earth, or trail were injured in the making of this walking stick).   It was PERFECTLY straight.  As she handed it to me I couldn’t help but exclaim with great joy “Gandalf has nothing on me.”  As I walked and ran up the rest of the mountain I thought “just don’t quit,  keep it going, you are strong.  I love you mother-nature thanks for giving me what I need.     I dumped the stick on the downhill and when I told my teammates about it at the finish line the Gandalf references kept flying.  Just another confirmation that I was in good, nerdy, company.  Thank you for great teammates.

Thank you God and Universe for giving me the strength and courage to endure”  And then were on the downhill!   I even shouted out, in Dougie style, “Yeehaw!”  Jian and I couldn’t wait to see the “one mile to go marker.”

One Mile to GO!





Team:  Misfits Redux was awesome.  We all came from different backgrounds, all had different life experiences, and careers but were all brought together by our love of running, our ability to test ourselves and push ourselves to extreme limits!  

Meet the Misfits

Our team captain Shelley, originally from Georgia, now lives in Boston was a logistical wizard.  She was able to coordinate the tents, team, race pace, transportation, and food for our entire team.  She has a fixation for “bars” of all kinds. Well, the kind you eat, not the kind you dance on top of after having a few too many drinks. 

Shelley bought bars and apparently so did everyone else. We had so many different varieties of “bars” that Jian joked “We could open up our own convenient store!”  Shelly brought us all together, vetted us all very carefully, made sure that we were all safe, and ensured that we all had a great time.  Shelley ran Ragnar Cape Cod, brought loads of long-distance running experience to the table, and always had a smile on her face.  Shelley is full of hard-work and dedication.  Even when she tweaked her ankles on the red loop of pain she was still happy.  Shelley was strong and has the heart of a tiger.  She was the glue that held us all together.  I'm glad she lives in nearby so we can get together for coffee.

Co-captain Cathy was one tough cookie.  Being an Olympic distance Triathlete and marathoner she was jacked and strong!  This was her first Ragnar and I’m sure that it won’t be her last.  In fact she's running the 'Daks in September.  She was a fierce to be reckoned with and had that special kind of NYC swagger.  Cathy killed the hills, took no prisoners, cheered everyone on at the exchange tent, tried moonshine, and took pictures along the way.  Clearly a rebel at heart.


There was super-star Vikram, a nationally ranked archer, hiker, ultra runner who is in training for a 100 mile race.  Vik hooked up the team with a sweet 8 person tent that was like so big and awesome it was the penthouse of Ragnarville.  Vik was strong, and from NYC too.  He was tall and tackled Northfield Mountain like a champ.  Vik was quiet, polite, and had an amazing laugh.  He also had these memorable jiggly, squeezable, silicon, bottles in his hydration vest that he drank from.  He would leave the bottles in the vest, curl his head down to his chest, drink from them and say (as he sucked from them) “I’m like a baby.”  Which made us all bust out laughing.  Ahhhh…..good times!

For, Greg, computer engineer and dodge ball extraordinaire, it was his first Ragnar Trail too.  Greg ran Reach-the-Beach, was very familiar with relays and had special colored lights that he wore on his fingers.  Greg rocked the pirate bandanna, brought extraordinary endurance and a sense of calmness to the team.  He taught us how to play a dice game called “Bull Shit!”  It was so much fun that I need to find myself a box of dice.

Papa George, retired Air Force rocket scientist and math professor, was from Utah and is an avid trail runner and Ragnarian.  He was able to secure VIP tent site for us, as well as many other perks along the way.  George was very friendly and caring.  He was fierce on the trails and educated us about the different varieties of Salomon shoes.  He had given us technical trail running tips, made sure that we were all hydrated, and he took especially good care of my ankle with his “special, magically, blue crème” and Aleve.  Because this game involved statistical mathematical George easily calculated formulas when playing “Bull Shit” making him wicked smart. I wonder what he'd be like in Vegas?  It was clear from the very moment I met George, that he is a great guy who loves the trails and enjoys being outdoors in nature.  He also had a handy dandy portable cell phone charger that he let us all use.  George also likes fine wine & moonshine :)

Then there was Dale, retired Army-special forces medic from Maine who no doubt is part “bionic-man” was a super-fast, tall and thin, running machine who loves pickles.  I don’t think there’s a type of endurance race that Dale hasn’t done.  He runs 2 half-marathons a month and in fact, the day after Ragnar Trail NE he and his girlfriend Pam (aka
"Sweetie") took on a half-marathon relay style! These 2 really are "Maniacs." 

Dale gave us all sorts of running, exercise, stretching, and nutritional tips.  He gave me advice on how to recover from my sprained ankle and encouraged me to get on the treadmill and rowing machine rather than pounding the pavement.  Dale and Pam ( who works for LL Bean & is now a Ragnarian in training) were super cool.  I’m so glad I had the chance to meet them. Pam was full of spunk and gave us the history of LL Bean which was super fascinating.  He was full of great one liners that I will refer to as “Dale-isms.”

•  "I’m no Billy Goats Gruff…"
• "Just bite those nuts”
• “What’s a butterfly wrench?”

Jian, from Wisconsin, now lives in NYC.  Jian had a good sense of humor and likes red Gatorade.  She does not like gorillas.  I am so thankfully to have had the opportunity to get to know her better as we took on the red loop of pain together.  Jian is a runner, and avid hiker who loves the outdoors.  As we climbed up the red loop she found a tree along the side of the trail, snapped it in half, and made me the perfect walking stick.  As she handed it to me I exclaimed (in true Nerd Style) with great joy “Gandalf has nothing on me!”  We stopped along the way to snap some photos and as we continued to run I asked Jian about Chinese culture and learned a great deal from her.  It was an interesting conversation and I enjoyed learning more about her as we scampered down the mountain together.  It was an awesome experience that I’ll never forget. Jian is tough, full of grit and as sweet as she is...I wouldn't want to get on her bad side. She's tough and has a bit of rebel in her too.  Thanks for keeping me going Jian.

Clearly there is a bit of the archaic rebel in all of us.  Our team embraced the mantra of the"misfit" in style.  It will take me a few days to fully digest and recover from this experience.  Everyone brought something unique to our team.  Thank you Shelley for together an amazing group of Misfits!  I’m so glad to have taken part in this grueling experience with such incredible teammates.  #RagnarTrailMA will push you to your limits and through it you will find the most amazing people cheering you along!  It will humble you and show you what you are made of.  You’ll make memories that will last a lifetime and have stories to tell.  You'll also have a "wicked mint"multi-tool medal that you can use out on the trail.  Just be careful these things will cut your fingers off.  I encourage all of you reading this to “go out and find your #innerwild! 

#unforgettableteamphoto