Grow

I am reflecting on my life.  On my needs and my wants.  These "things" were not something I could afford to paid attention to before.  In fact I never gave them any consideration at all.  Being a wife, mother and caregiver, "I" always came last or not at all.  I am finally at a place in my life where I am comfortable with who I am and where I am.  I have learned to accept difficult changes that were out of my control.  I have fought many battles most of which I have lost.  But I have been true to myself every step of the way and for that I have won.

I am finally, where I want to be in terms of my career.  I am content in knowing that I no longer have to put pressure on myself to earn my Master's within a specified period of time.  I have learned to earn my degree on my own time and enjoy it...rather than putting undue pressure on myself to blaze through it with glorious perfection.  I have decided to learn how to play the mandolin, something I never would have dreamed of doing.  I have my own house and am married. 

I am creative.  I know how to make jewelry, soap, paint with oils, tried calligraphy, love photography and used to write poetry.  I am athletic--running, biking, skiing, swimming and playing volleyball are just a few of the things I do.  I am adventurous--going dog sledding,waterskiing, snowmobiling and cliff jumping into the ocean at high tide are just a few of things I have done. Over the past year I have learned to embrace, who I am, to become more confident in my own skin and to realize that I do have a lot to offer. I enjoy learning about metaphysic and holistic healing.  I love going to apothocary's and collect rocks/crystals.  I have a lot to give and I am pretty darn unique individual.  After all who else can say that there parents were married by a midget, in the middle of the night?

My husband...how would I describe him?  He has a bit of a John Wayne persona.  He's tall, independent, rugged and can put on the charm with the best of them. He's very hard to get to know and is very guarded.  Maybe this is what attracted me to him, I though he was a nut that needed to be cracked open.  "I can crack that nut!"  He is generous.  He loves spending time at home puttering around the garden.  His temperament?  Patient,calm, passive aggressive,accepting, loyal and vengeful. Killer combination! He has patients in situations where I do not, he avoids conflict at any cost (this drives me crazy) he is loyal to his family and will be sure to payback any wrong doing even if it were to take him 15 years--he'll get even. So BEWARE!  He's stubborn and he is resourceful.  Everything with him, is a routine, I know he has OCD.  He eats the same thing every morning for breakfast, at the same time, watching the same tv show.  He's like a horse, he does something once, and it becomes a habit.  He is hard-working, in fact some might consider him to be a work-a-holic but due to my persistence he's starting to slow down a bit.I don't mind his OCD because I could set my watch by the things he does and it doesn't directly affect me.  Plus he makes a mean chicken curry and an Ulster Fry that's to die for!

His pet peeves?  Not sure because he doesn't tell me when something annoys him.  Weird right?  I guess he figures if he told me what they were, then I would do those things deliberately just to annoy him.  I don't know why--maybe that's they way all his x's jived. My pet peeves? Dammit!   He always leaves the toilet seat up but guess what? I don't tell him that I find this annoying.  See how we're the same?   Sometimes I feel like he's haunted by his past and this doesn't allow him to be in the present.  He is a difficult person, a closed book.  He likes to think of himself as easy going but he's not.  I on the other hand always used to be in the future and was always striving to acheive new long term goals to the point where I couldn't enjoy today.  Now I am living for today.  I hope he can grow and learn how to do this too so we can be happy together.