Growing up is hard to do. The troubles of the teenage years are tough and when you combine that with two parents who can't get along it must be incredibly heartbreaking. I have tried so hard to trust my daughter's father and time and time again he betrays that trust. It pains me so much that I actually went to a priest to talk about the guilt I have. He reassured me that I shouldn't feel guilty and that under no circumstances should I trust this man. Although I felt reassured, I felt little comfort in knowing that my priest knew the type of person I was up against.
I am always hopeful or perhaps a better word would be naieve, that there is good in everyone. I have learned but have been unable to fully accept that this, is in fact untrue. There are people out there who are evil who love to see us suffer unfathomable pains.
My daughter is confused. Torn between her own memories and the indoctinated ideas of her father she finds herself tortured. Unable to determine truth from fiction. Unable to know what is right and what is wrong. Who is good and who is bad. A war between black and white, good and evil. The very essense of being human. She finds solace in music, in writing songs, in singing. Sometimes even -in rebelling.
Although our relationship has been estranged due to her fathers own sick, twisted ideas of vengence I cannot help but reach out to her. Pray for her. Long for her return. I miss her. I miss her smile, her laughter, her tears. I miss hugging her and telling her how precious she is. I know that our relationship will come full circle again like everything else in this lifetime. I know Karma will pay her father a visit too.
I'm not sure what keeps me going. God? Angels? Spirit Guides? Friends? All of the above plus the promise that tomorrow will be a bright brand new day. I know that no matter what happens nothing can destroy the love between a mother and her child. I will always love her to the Moon and Back.
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