Puddles

Going out after the rain, riding my bicycle through pools of glass filled with squirmy, stretchy worms.  Laughing as the water splatters on my legs.  Happiness, the smell of the rain rising up from the scorched, sun soaked, pavement. Ahh...to go back to those memories in heavenly.  No worries.  How did I grow up to be so worry some?  That little girl who would soak up nature like a sponge, indulging in all her glory, now sits behind a computer screen, typing, holding back the tears.  Wondering what happened..where did all the happiness go?

Living life with good intentions, trying to live by all the rules, trying to make good decisions, afraid of failure.  Taking life too seriously, isolating, defensive, misunderstood, not stuck up or snobby just shy and pensive.  Worried about the spiritual, the afterlife, the endless abyss that lies below us.  Read to chew, gulp, swallow me up in the blink of an eye.

I used to dance often.  My spry and nimble feet which used to flick and kick in true lindy-hop style now are weighted and anchor me to the ground from which I wish to soar.  Conflicted.  Sadness engulfs my soul.  Like a ransacked midevil maiden from which so much has been pillaged, torn from my grasp, fields lie barren and tattered garments sway in the breeze.  Waiting for mighty demons to come and take what remains.  Stinging like a viper I feel it like a sickness how this pain is killing me and unknowing capturer not knowing how much I am under lock and key.

I know what it is like to keep silent, to be unable to speak the truth, to hold to memories that make me sick.  To dream that one day this pain that runs though my veins will pour out of my eyes, like rain.  The rain of my childhood, becoming puddles that I can jump in, splish-splash-pitter-pat!  I cast up my earthly burdens to the universe hoping that the thunder and rain can hear my soul as it screams.  Taking up to heaven, on angels wings, all the rage and fears that the night brings.  Passing up my earthly worries to all that is and all that will ever be.  Holding on tight.  Let it go, let it rain, let there be puddles.