I always thought tattoos were gross. I thought they were only for bikers, bad boys and hoe's. As the years went by, my attitude towards them changed. Instead of viewing them as some distasteful, god awful, mutilating art form that would some day haunt the mind of it's canvas I thought some of them were quite nice. Could it be? Rather, could tattoos be one of the most ancient and beautiful ways to pay homage and respect to the spirit of life? Perhaps a tattoo is not defamation of the body for which I will eternally burn in Hell for after all.
Perhaps a tattoo means a little bit more. I looked at how the Maori of Australia used Ta Moko as an outward expression of respect and commitment. The design of each moko is unique to the wearer and conveys information about the wearer, such as their genealogy, tribal affiliations, status, and achievements.
How about the Native Americans? They too used the tattoo to convey special meaning whether it was to honor their tribe, to harness the spiritual energies of their totem animal, to show pride in their tribe, to mark a warrior for his first kill or for the branding, eternal shame. Tattoos were thought to provide them with supernatural powers and strength.
As time went on I felt the desire to get a tattoo but knowing that it would be on my body forever was still a deterrent. I knew that I wanted a lotus flower of some sort. The lotus representing enlightenment within the context of Buddhist Culture was a symbol of my affinity for philosophy and the attainment of enlightenment through meditation and self control. However, the desire for the tattoo was quickly squashed when the notion of it being "forever" on my body entered my mind.
About 4 years went by and still I was struggling with this urge for a tattoo. I came up with a design that I really liked. It was a lotus flower and the blooms of the flower were also the wings of a Phoenix. The stem of the flower was also the tail of the bird. It was a 2 in one. The Phoenix to me, represented rebirth. According to myth, the phoenix is a bird with a colorful plumage and a tail of gold and scarlet (or purple, blue, and green according to some legends). It has a 500 to 1000 year life-cycle, near the end of which it builds itself a nest of twigs that then ignites; both nest and bird burn fiercely and are reduced to ashes, from which a new, young phoenix or phoenix egg arises, reborn anew to live again. The new phoenix is destined to live as long as its old self. It is reborn from it's old self.
Last year, on July 7, 2010 my Dad passed away. He had a tattoo on his right bicep. It was a heart and arrow piercing through it and his name "Jack" in the middle. He got it was he was 15 in Southbridge. By the time he was 70 the black ink had faded to a grayish green and his name was barely legible. To him it was a memory and he never regretted getting it. It made me realize that life is short. I started to question my own foolish belief system. Would I really go to Hell if I got a tattoo? Why do I think this? Where did this idea come from? What if, I'm already there?
After his passing the Phoenix took on even greater meaning. According to the laws on entropy, scientists say that energy cannot be created or destroyed only transferred or transformed. The energy in our bodies our soul if you will needs to go somewhere. I like to think that perhaps we are reborn in someway or that our soul collectively becomes a part of the Universe.
I spoke to Michelle F who I was working with at the time & had several tattoos. They were nicely done, clean, professional and beautiful. She recommended an artist in Auburn. I made an appointment with him and had him draw up my tattoo. He placed the template on and said "What do you think? Are you ready?" I though "No, no, I'm not ready." I went home with the template in place getting used to the notion that this would be on my body--FOR-EVAH!" I went home and showed Brian, who by the way, is a tattoo hater and was not supportive of the idea. When I showed him his eyes lit up and he said "Wow! That's nice!" I was very surprised by his reaction. He said "so when are you getting it done?" I said "I don't know. I have to think about it." So I did.
A couple weeks passed before I decided to make my appointment. Brian asked me "Do you want me to come with you." and I said "Sure, but if you don't want to come that is okay with me I'll ask a friend to come instead." He was like "No, I'll go." "OK" I replied. So we hopped in his truck and made way for the tattoo parlor. Once we were there he was getting nervous and then told me he was going to the mall to have my anniversary desk set engraved. I was like "what?!" He said "I don't want to see you in pain. I don't want to see blood." I was like oh crap, what a jerk, I spent how much time thinking about this and now you're bailing on me. Oh well, what could I do? Off he went and there I sat. The tattoo guy put the stencil on me and I sat in the chair as we listed to TOOL.
I was told that getting a tattoo would feel a lot like having a sunburn. Well it really wasn't anything like a sunburn at all. As he started to tattoo me the pain was more of a prickling sensation than a burning one. It was more annoying than anything. Like a sister who wants so sit on your lap when your boyfriend comes over. He kept going. I just wanted it to be over, in fact there was a time or two when I just wanted him to stop. Right when I was about to tell him to stop--for real--he said "there-it's all done" and all I could think was "thank god."
Many people find the feeling of getting a tattoo enjoyable. I am not one of those people. I was concerned about the healing process, I have very sensitive skin and scar easily. I healed up well, which was a relief for Brian. There was no blood during the process at least none that I noticed. The guy was professional and did a wonderful job. They say that tattoos are addicting, like potato chips you can't have just one. I am satisfied with my one tattoo and have no plans to get another. My tattoo stretches from my upper back to the nape of my neck and is only visible when I want it to be. It is also in a spot that won't stretch much & better yet, it's in a place where I can't see it. So, if I ever get sick of it, I'll never have to see it. I love my tattoo. It represents my own personal journey towards enlightenment and rebirth. It represents my growing belief system and pays homage to one of the oldest, most basic, elemental forms of art.
Life is short and there is plenty of room for regret. It is my experience in life that people don't have regret about what they do but what they don't do. Life is for living so get out of your head and start living. Commemorate your rebirth and celebrate by getting a Tattoo. Go see that guy in Auburn, tell him that I sent you. Maybe then, I'll get a discount on my next one. CHEERS!
My tattoo: completed
