Joanna and I arrived on site and all we could see were mushroom clouds of smoke and fire balls shooting up from the starting line. Meanwhile dozens of people were sliding and bouncing their way down a huge mud covered hill towards the finish line as a sea of dirty, rotten, filthy, people walked past us caked in mud from head to toe with smiles from ear to ear . My first thought was "What the Hell did I sign up for?" My second thought was this is going to rock!
Joanna and I checked our bag & made our way to the starting line. There must have been nearly 200 people in our wave alone. We ran up a huge hill with a 30 degree incline. Once we arrived at the top- the mud started and it did not end. Holy schnikey! I've never seen so much mud! We were up to our ankles in it, then our knees, then were were slip sliding down the trail over rocks and roots, branches and over the occasional downed tree. Poison ivy to the left and a pool of thigh deep swamp water to my right. Hmm which way do I go? Splash! Squishy mud, at least up to my ankles covered the entire course. The course was only about 5-6 feet wide and less than that 3 in some areas and mud, muck and maneur (I swear that there was crap up in that field...you know it!)
Then there were the obstacles. We knew when they were ahead of us because of all the the "DANGER" signs that were posted. We had to climb over wooden walls that were about 7 feet high then crawl under barbed wire--there were about 6 of these. Then came a wooden wall that went straight up about 20 feet high that we had to climb up and over using a rope & then scale the ladder down the other side. We had to cross through tangled ropes, and climb up a suicide hill of death which made even the big boys whimper. After that we had to walk across boards like a balance beam, the boards were angled up and down so the chances of slipping off them were great. I think my mud covered feet helped with my ability to balance. Wohoo! There was so much mud that the race director couldn't put the tires down on the ground because they just would have sunk and someone would have broken a leg for sure so instead they tied the tires from a wooden fixture and we just swung them around back and forth tring to bash the people behind us--all in good fun of course, after all, this was supposed to be a challenge. Then we slid down a muddy hill on our butts as if it were a slide in a nearby park. Once I saw the flaming logs of fire I got so happy and excited. As the music grew louder I knew the end was drawing near. I leaped over the first fire pit--shazam! So, with all my confidence, I decided to do a tuck jump over the 2nd fire pit and raise my hands in the air like a cheerleader. When I landed the jump, the fireman gave me a dirty look and shook his head. I'm not sure why, it's not like my underpants caught on fire or anything! I was just out having a bit of fun, you know covered in mud and manure from head to toe jumping over firey flames of death. Just having a bit of fun that's all!
From there we ran down the muddy slope and could see the really high cargo net that we had to climb up, over and down. Hooray almost there. I never knew how many different types of mud existed and how many stages of drying there were. We climbed up and over and headed towards the hill. "Stay to the right and you'll go faster" the girl said. So I slid down the wicked steep, slippery, muddy hill of horror and I'm at the bottom about to stand up when someone shouts "watchout!" I quickly and skillfully did a barrel roll to my right as the chick behind me came flying down and crashed into the big heaping muddy pile of shit below.
We jumped and ran through you guessed it... more mud to the final obstacle where we had to crawl like a spider on crack over 3 cargo nets and then run across the finish line! HOORAY! Showers? I need a shower, so I follow the signs for the showers. Well the shower turned out to be a was a giant snowmaking gun! I ran into the snow making area and got blasted and pelted with wind, hail and rain. It was like being stuck in the middle of a hurricane with ice pelting your face. The wind was so fierce I though my contacts were going to blow right out of my eyes. The hail stung my face little a million little bees. I couldn't stop cackling, hooting and screaming because the feeling was so cold and ridiculous. The snow maker made all the mud run and so I just toweled off. Ewwwe! I was now dripping mud. My old sneakers were now useless so I donated them.
I SURVIVED the Warrior Dash! I conquered it and survived to tell the tale. The Warrior Dash was a tough race. The mud was ridiculous and became heavier and heavier on your feet with every gruling step. There was great beer, huge turkey legs and the live music rocked. The best part of all was NOT even the t-shirt or the medal but the Warrior Helmet that we all sported at the end!
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